


Cooking by the Book

by pinkevilbob



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Secret Santa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2019-12-20
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:01:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21867166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkevilbob/pseuds/pinkevilbob
Summary: The Mighty Nein have some downtime at the Xhorhaus and Jester needs help making some special goodies.
Relationships: Jester Lavorre/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 4
Kudos: 43





	Cooking by the Book

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lisjjable](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lisjjable/gifts).



> This is my Widojest Secret Santa gift for lisjjable. She requested mutual pining and downtime at the Xhorhaus. So here we go!

It took a thorough understanding of magic and theory to properly transcribe a spell. Something that Caleb liked to think that he had plenty of. Unfortunately, it also took an obscene amount of time and high quality ink and paper. Those were things that Caleb frequently lacked. But he had lucked out. The Mighty Nein’s latest adventure(or misadventure depending on who you asked) had proven fruitful, so Caleb had money to spend and they were given a quiet week to spend in the Xhorhaus. Meaning, Caleb could catch up on his spells.

If people would just leave him alone, that was. Caduceus had came in four times to ask if Caleb had seen the pepper, Beau decided that right by his door was the best place to work out, Fjord had some dilemma of some sort on his mind that he needed Caleb’s opinion only to decide to go with what Caduceus said an hour ago, and Nott kept poking her head in to check on Caleb. The only one that hadn’t came into his room was Jester. Maybe she for one could sense that he wanted to be left alone.

The door opened behind him followed by “Cay-leb!” dashing his hopes of any peace.

“Ja, Jester?” Caleb asked as he set aside his spellbook careful.

“I need your help.” She grinned brightly at him, but it seemed a bit nervous. “See, I wanted to make pastries, but Cad’s got gardening to do, and everyone else is busy. So I need you.”

Caleb rubbed his arm. “Why do you need my help?”

Jester stared down at the ground shuffling her shoe. “Well, technically, I’ve never really baked before, but I’m sure it’s not that hard, but I thought it’d be easier with some help.”

“And what makes you think that I’m not busy?”

“Are you busy, Caleb?” Jester asked her voice filled with doubt and disappointment.

Caleb sighed as he stood up. “Nein, I am not. What are we making?”

“Butterhorns!” Jester squealed with excitement. “They’re in the recipe book I got in Nicodranas, and it’s been forever since I’ve had them.”

The taste of a nearly forgotten memory came to Caleb’s tongue. “I haven’t had butterhorns since I was a child.”

Jester gasped. “You have butterhorns in the empire too?”

“In the Zemnian fields, ja. But I haven’t seen them anywhere else,” Caleb said.

“Well it’s a good thing we’re going to make them.” Jester smiled at Caleb and then spun in a circle instead of simply turning around. A fond smile spread across Caleb’s face before he could fight it back. “Come on Caleb! They’re not going to make themselves.”

With a chuckle, Caleb followed her to the kitchen. It was Caduceus’s territory and had all sorts of little signs that he was the main cook amongst the group. All the pans were hung up high, and the lower shelves were mostly ignored. The faint scent of tea hung in the air. “First thing we need to do is get the bowls down,” Jester said.

Caleb craned his head back to see the bowls on the top shelf. “Maybe Nott can Mage Hand it down for us?”

"Or," Jester said, "we could do this." She picked Caleb up wrapping her arms around his thighs and lifted him up.

A startled squeak came out of him. Suddenly he was at face level of the bowls. He grabbed the stack and only almost dropped them. "Got them. Please put me down. Please."

"Oh, right," Jester said as she put Caleb back down.

"Danke." Caleb couldn't help but notice how strong her arms were around him. If it wasn't such a surprise, he might've been able to enjoy it. But as it was he just appreciated being on solid ground again. "Where's your recipe?"

Jester pointed at the open book on the table. "Here. I've already read it, so I know what we need."

"Do you want me to read it too?" Caleb's memory was flawless to a fault. After walking in on Yeza and Nott in the hot tub, he wished he could forget things as easily as the others did. Oh how he wished.

"I got it Caleb," she said with a pout. "I'm pretty good at following things. I'm a follower of the Traveler after all."

Caleb smirked. "I thought being a follower of the Traveler meant causing mischief and pranks. I don't know if that means much when it comes to following recipes."

Jester scowled a little. "I can do smart things like that too, Caleb."

"Of course." Caleb took a step back. "You have many talents, Jester. I'll follow your lead in this endeavor."

A grin reappeared on Jester's face. "Great! These are going to turn out so good! The first thing we need to do is get the yeast awake."

"Awake?" Caleb asked.

"Yeah. See it says that for soft breads and pastries the yeast has to be awake, so it can eat up all the sugars and get all big and fluffy." Jester got out a small envelope from the cupboard and poured it into one of the smaller bowls. "Next we need half a cup of lukewarm water. I got the water already, but we need to warm it up still."

"I can do that." Caleb muttered a little cantrip under his breath and a heat began to emanate from his hands.

Jester held the cup of water close to his hands, but not too close. "We can't let this get too hot or the yeast will die."

"I'll need to remember that. I don't really recall this part from baking with my mother."

"You used to bake with your mom?" Jester asked.

Caleb nodded. "Ja, we couldn't afford to go to the bakery, so my mother did all the baking, and when I was small, I was her assistant."

Jester giggled. "That must've been so cute. I bet you were the best baking assistant."

"She'd always say that I was so helpful that I could go play when we were half way done." Caleb frowned a little. "Actually come to think of it, that was probably her way of sending me away when I was underfoot."

“I used to try to sneak into the kitchen of the Chateau when I was little, but I was usually given a cookie and a pat on my head before I could see how they did any of it,” Jester said. She poured the yeast into the water and added a little sugar. “The sugar’s for the yeast to eat. Wait, if the yeast is alive, can Cad eat it?”

Caleb shrugged. “You’ll probably need to ask him that yourself.”

“Cause these are going to be super good Caleb and I don’t want him to miss out.” Jester looked to the recipe again. “Now we need to scold, no wait, scald milk? Does that mean anything to you?”

“I think that means we have to get the milk hot,” Caleb said.

Jester gave it some thought. “But not so hot it kills the yeast. Right?”

Caleb shrugged again. “I’m following your lead on this.”

“Right.” Jester drew her shoulders back and stood up straight. “Caleb, you have the very important duty of heating up the milk while I measure out the butter, sugar, and salt.”

Caleb saluted her solemnly earning the laugh he had been hoping for. More and more he found himself being willing to do anything to hear that laugh. “At your command.” He focused on the milk being careful not to burn it, but his eyes kept wandering over to Jester.

She carefully scooped sugar out of the bag. Her little forked tongue stuck out of the corner of her mouth as she stared down at the cup with determination. Jester dumped it into the bowl and then looked over at Caleb. “Is the milk supposed to do that?”

Caleb looked down to see dark wisps come out of the pan. “Scheisse!” He quickly put out the cantrip.

“It might not be ruined,” Jester said looking over Caleb’s shoulder. “It’s kinda the last of the milk we have here anyways.”

He frowned down at the milk. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright. You probably don’t have to be exact with baking anyways.” Jester gave Caleb a big smile.

“Danke.” At Jester’s instruction, he added the milk to Jester’s bowl and stirred it together.

Jester added in the yeast mixture and then an egg. “And now flour.” She stared at the bin of flour for a moment.

“Is something the matter?” Caleb asked.

She shook her head. “No, it’s nothing. Actually, can you count the cups for me? We’ll need six of them.”

Caleb nodded. “Ja, of course.” He counted methodically each cup Jester scooped out of the flour bin.

“There!” she declared after adding the final cup. “Next to stir it all up.” Jester stirred it eagerly sending flour flying up in the air. White powder floated down landing on her hair like a fresh snowfall. A bright smile flashed at Caleb. “Do you want to knead it, Caleb?”

Caleb gestured at his arm. “With these twigs? You are much stronger that I, Jester.”

She almost looked disappointed, but smiled quickly. “Okay, I’ll give it everything I got.” Jester rolled up her sleeves up and began massaging the bread. Caleb watched her arms as she worked the bread and how her muscles moved. A blush crept over his face. “Kneaded!”

Caleb looked away, but he could feel a small smile on his face. “That’s good.”

“And now, we just need to wait like an hour,” Jester said as she plopped the kneaded dough into the bowl.

“Nein. It should be a lot longer than that. We have to put it into a cold place and wait until tomorrow.”

Jester shook her head. “That’s not what the recipe said.”

“That’s how my mother would always do it,” Caleb said. “She didn’t make them often, butterhorns were a rare treat, but we’d have to wait a day for them.”

Jester held up the recipe book. “It says it right here. ‘Place back in bowl and let rise until doubled in size (about 30 min to 1 hour depending on temperature of room)’.”

Caleb frowned at the book, but it was as she said. There was something off about the recipe, but Jester pulled it away before he could read it properly. “I suppose you’re right then. I’ll return to my studies then.” He turned to the door.

“Wait!” Jester grabbed his hand stopping him. He became very aware of the softness of her hand around his.

“Ja?”

Jester ducked her head down. “I was thinking we could wait together for the dough to rise.”

“Was there something in particular that you wanted to do?” Caleb asked.

A smile mischievously spread across her face. “There is.”

* * *

During the time they were at the Xhorhaus, there was something that Jester had been longing to do. But it required the perfect moment. The right atmosphere, but it never felt like the right moment. Technically, Jester wanted to have more people around for what she had planned, but doing it for the first time with just Caleb was special too.

“What was it that you wanted to do, Jester?” Caleb asked. They stood at the entrance of the stairs on the second floor staring down them. There was no one down in the hot tub which was probably for the best.

Jester patted the banister. “It’s pretty sturdy and should be able to hold us.”

Caleb stared at it for a moment. “Wait, you want to slide down it?”

“Yeah! See the Traveler and I used to do this all the time back at the Lavish Chateau. Well, until I broke my arm right before I turned 13, but we used to slide down and it’s a lot of fun,” Jester said. “Did you use to slide down when you were little?”

Caleb shook his head slightly. “When I was little? Nein, we, ah, didn’t have anything like this. It was an old rickety house. At the Academy though,” a sneaky smile quirked at his lips, “the three of us may have snuck out once to give the bannisters a whirl.”

Jester giggled. “You didn’t.”

“Nein, we really did. Nearly got caught too.” A distant look crossed Caleb’s face as he looked down the stairs.

“You miss them, don’t you?” Jester asked.

An ever so slight nod. “Ja, they were my friends. My family.”

“Maybe they’re still alive,” Jester said. “And if they are, we can save them.”

Caleb shook his head. “You saw the Vollstrecker. There’s no saving any of them.” He rubbed his arm with a pensive look on his face.

“You don’t know that. She might’ve been the weird, crazy one.”

“Ja, I do. I’m the exception, the fluke. None of us get out of there untainted. It’s impossible,” Caleb said turning away.

Jester gently rested her hand on Caleb’s shoulder. There was so much pain and hurt in him and she just wished she could hug it away, but she knew that problems like his took more than a smile to fix. She hated it. “I’m sorry.”

Caleb placed a hand on hers. “Danke, but I should be the one apologizing. You just wanted to slide down the railings, ja? We can still do that.”

“Are you up to it?” Jester asked. He seemed more okay than he was after using fire or after Essek took care of the Vollstrecker, but there was a strange glass-like fragility to him. She never knew just what it would take for him to break.

He gave her the ghost of a grin. "Ja. Do you want to go first?" Caleb asked.

"Actually," Jester bit her lip, "I was wondering if you'd go down with me?"

"Together?" A blush of the cutest red spread over Claeb's face. "Are you sure?"

Jester nodded. "Yeah! Me and the Traveler used to do it all the time together. It's a lot of fun!"

Caleb frowned a little but he nodded. "Alright then."

"So, I know it's been a super long time since you've ridden down the stairs, Caleb, but I'm very experienced at it," Jester said earning a laugh.

"I'm not that old. I remember." He swung a thin leg over the railing and Jester made a note to herself to make sure that Caleb got plenty of butterhorns. "Do you want to go first or second?"

"First! You can hold onto me if you want though." Part of Jester hoped that he would. The thought of feeling his warmth around her made butterflies flutter in her stomach. She hopped up on the banister and leaned back into Caleb.

He sat there stiffly and just placed his hands on her shoulders barely touching her. “Ready?”

“Right, ready,” she said trying to hide her disappointment. Jester didn’t have any reason to be disappointed. Ir wasn’t like Caleb was the hugging type except for with Nott and maybe Beau, but Jester kept finding herself wishing that he was more like that with her. “One, two, three!”

She kicked off and sent them hurtling downwards going faster and faster as they circled around the stairs. Caleb’s grip tightened as they raced down. As they neared the end of the railing, Jester realized that she hadn’t thought about what would happen when they reached the end. It turned out that they both sent flying into the air. Jester screwed her eyes tight as she was sent careening into the wall, but there was no impact. Cautiously, she opened an eye to find herself and Caleb slowly floating down and a feather was clutched in Caleb’s hand.

“Caleb! You saved us!” Jester declared once they landed.

“I never go anywhere without my components,” Caleb said. He put the feather back into his pocket. "Perhaps, that is enough sliding for today."

Jester giggled. "Yeah, probably. The next time we do this we should make a giant pillow pile to land in. Ooh! Or we could build a pillow fort!"

Caleb smiled at her ever so slightly. "If you want to."

"It would be a lot of fun. You know you want to," Jester said.

"Do I now?"

Jester nodded. "That's right. You'd have so much fun and Frumpkin would love it."

"Oh, well if Frumpkin would love it, then who am I to say no?"

"Exactly." Jeste glanced over at Caleb. He looked happy now, but his ever present layer of sadness was close by. She could tell. "How long has the dough been rising?"

Caleb glanced upwards at nothing. "Eleven minutes."

"Oh, it will be a while before the dough's ready then," Jester said. She tried to think of something else fun for them to do, but came up with nothing. "Do you want to read or something?"

"Ja, but I'm always in the mood to read. Did you have something you wanted to read?"

Jester shrugged. "I don't know, I guess I could reread Tusk Love again."

"For the eleventh time?" Caleb asked.

Jester pouted up at him. "I've only read it-" She paused to give it some thought. "Ok, maybe it was eleven times, but that's because it's super good. It's not like there's anything else for me to read here."

Caleb frowned a littler. "You didn't enjoy the one about the seamen?"

Jester giggled. "That was a pretty good one, but it's not a 'omigosh must read twenty times books'."

"And Tusk Love is?" Caleb asked.

She nodded. "Well, yeah. I don't know, it just makes me think of when we first became friends."

"And we are friends now?"

"Of course we are. We live in the same house and everything," Jester said.

"Sharing the same roof is not the same as liking somebody or even being friends." Caleb stretch a little. "You can detest somebody with every fiber of your being and still live in the same house."

Jester drew back. "Do you detest me?" Her voice sounded tiny and silly to her own ears. She had thought that they were friends, but maybe she got it all wrong.

Caleb shook his head so fast that Jester could almost her his brain rattle. "Nein! I don't think that that's possible. I think of you as a very dear friend."

"I think of you as dear too!" Jester might've even thought of him as even more that that, but she wasn't quite ready to say that.

A soft smile. "That's a kind thing for you to say."

"I'm not just saying that, Caleb. I like you very much." She could feel her cheeks warm, but she wanted to say it and Caleb needed to hear it.

Caleb stared down at the ground. "I don't know what I did to deserve that, but danke. It's a kinder thing than I deserve."

Jester grabbed his hands, like she had before. "I think you've done a lot of things make you likable. You gave me all that money the first time we were in Zadash. You're nice to Nott. You wanted to be kind and do good something for that Scourger. And you want to stop a war which is a very big thing to do. And there's little things too. How you smile when you begin a new book or the way you get so excited about magic. Or how even though you act all serious, you like a good prank nearly as much as I do. I think there's a lot of things to like about you Caleb."

"There are more things to like about you Jester," he said. His hands remained in hers. "I think that the Traveler gave me a gift when we met."

Jester gasped. "You really think so?! Cause the Traveler has a lot cooler gifts than that."

"Cooler than a cleric that paints dicks and makes statues out of nothing?" Caleb asked. "I think that might just be an impossible task."

"The Traveler is capable of a lot of really cool miracles, Caleb." Jester grinned at him. "But I think that us meeting was a gift from the Traveler too. Thank you, Traveler!" Jester called up to the ceiling.

Caleb looked up too. "Ja, danke!"

"Danke!" Jester repeated even louder.

"Danke!!" Caleb repeated.

Their eyes met and Caleb silently counted to three and they both yelled out as loud as they could, "DANKE!!!"

"What in the hell are you two doing in here?" Beau demanded throwing the door open.

"We're thanking the Traveler," Jester said. "He's done a lot for us."

Beau rolled her eyes. " Maybe you can thank him a bit quieter next time."

Caleb's cheeks were tinged with a blush but he was smiling. "Ja, we probably should."

"I don't know, the Traveler is super cool and I think that singing his praises should be done a lot," Jester said.

"Fine, but next time give me some warning," Beau groused, but there was a subtle grin.

"Next time you should join us," Jester said.

Beau shrugged. "Not really my scene. But thanks for the invitation." And she walked away.

"We should do this more often," Jester said. "I don't think we thank the Traveler enough."

"We don't thank you enough either," Caleb said.

Jester grinned and shrugged. "Everyone needs to know that they're appreciated."

"Ja, but danke," Caleb said looking her dead in the eye. "Danke. Without you, we wouldn't be where we are."

"But without you, we would be in a jail cell or at the bottom of the ocean," Jester said. "Thank you, Caleb. You're amazing."

Caleb shook his head. "Nein, I'm not, not really. Without you, I don't think I would've laughed again. I thought I had lost the ability to do that."

"But anyone can laugh and anyone can be funny," Jester said. "I'm just doing my job as a cleric of the Traveler."

"Nein, before you my heart was a heavy stone. But then you came along and lifted it up. I can never repay my gratitude towards you." He held her hands like they were a dearly beloved treasure.

Jester looked up at him holding her breath. There were words trapped in her heart that she wanted to say, but nothing felt right to her, so instead she just gazed into his blue eyes.

He leaned in closer to her. Jester could hear her heart beating in her ears and then their lips met each other. It was soft and gentle and the barest of caresses, but it felt so right.

“That’s one way to repay it,” Jester said after they broke away from each other.

“I’m sorry,” Caleb said turning away.

Jester tugged on his sleeve. “No, I liked it. Thank you. You’re a very good kisser, Caleb.”

The blush came back with a vengeance. “We should probably go check on the dough.”

“Yeah, probably,” Jester said still holding onto his hand. It felt deliciously warm.

He lead the way this time to the kitchen. The Dough looked a lot bigger than it did earlier, but Caleb shook his head. “Still a little short of double in size.”

“We could get the topping ready now,” Jester suggested.

Caleb frowned. “Topping?”

“Yeah! This recipe has a cream cheese one, so you know it’s going to be super good,” Jester said.

“Butterhorns don’t have a topping.”

Jester scowled a little and grabbed the recipe. “See? Right here.” She pointed at the topping section. “We need to make the topping now.”

A frown creased Caleb’s forehead. “This is wrong. You have the wrong recipe.”

“What?”

“These aren’t butterhorns.”

Jester looked at the book again. “No, it says it right here. Butterhorns.”

“This is a dessert. Butterhorns aren’t sweet. They’re flaky and buttery,” Caleb said.

Jester shook her head. “No they’re sweet and soft and super good.”

“They’re a roll you dip in soup. This recipe even has you rolling it up like a sweet bun.”

“That’s because they are a sweet bun,” Jester said exasperatedly. “What else would they look like?”

Caleb tried to shape his hands in the air to convey something, but it meant nothing to Jester. “You roll out the dough into a circle and then cut it into long triangles that you roll into crescent moons. And then after you bake them they look like horns.”

“Those are croissants, Caleb,”Jester said.

Caleb shook his head. “No, butterhorns are smaller and have a different texture. If they don’t look like little horns, then they’re not butterhorns.”

"The recipe says that they are butterhorns and books never lie," Jester said.

Caleb frowned. "Doesn't matter; these are not butterhorns. They're not what my mother made." There was a slight sadness to his declaration.

Jester paused. She was getting so worked up that she didn't notice his tone until then. "You miss her a lot don't you Caleb?" Jester asked. "Like a lot a lot."

"Ja, I do."

"Me and my mom would have butterhorns on her birthday. They were her favorite," Jester said. "They were a special treat."

Caleb nodded. "My mother would make them on special occasions like after the final harvest of the year."

"So we'll make your butterhorns next time," Jester said.

"If we can find the recipe," Caleb said sounding doubtful.

"You remember everything though, don't you Caleb?" Jester asked.

Caleb shook his head with a chuckle. "Not everything. After a month things become fuzzy. There's no way I'd remember a recipe from my childhood."

"Then I guess this is a job for Nott the Best Detective Agency. With me and Nott on the job, there's no way we won't find your recipe for you!" Jester grinned widely at Caleb.

He smiled softly at her. "I have no doubt."

"As well, you shouldn't," Jester said.

"Your dough should be ready now. I'm sorry for snapping at you. I know you must miss your mother dearly," Caleb said. "Is her birthday coming up soon?"

Jester shook her head. "Not for a few more months."

"Then we'll need to make these again in a few months," Caleb said.

Jester gasped. "Caleb! That's the best idea! You're very smart, you know."

"So Nott tells me." With the hint of another blush, he checked the dough again. "It's ready."

"Great! Now we divide the dough in two and roll it into two rectangles," Jester said.

Caleb carefully divided the dough making that it was exactly in two equal parts. Both of them roll the dough into rectangles though Caleb's was wobblier than Jester's. "Sorry," he said.

"It's okay, it gives it more personality. Next we get to pour butter on it," Jester said.

Caleb raised an eyebrow. "Do you think this recipe has enough butter in it?"

"Well they are called butterhorns for a reason." Jester paused for a moment. "Do you think buttering somebody's horns would be a good prank?"

"I don't know if I'm the best person to ask. The Traveler would probably have the most to say on the subject," Caleb suggested.

Jester clapped her hands. “You're right! The Traveler totally would know! Though I really don't know anyone with horns I could butter. I mean there's Mama, but I like her too much to do anything like that to her."

"What about Bluud?" Caleb asked as he brushed butter on to the two sheets of dough.

A slow mischievous spread across Jester's face. "You're right! Okay, so when we make butterhorns for Mama, we'll also have to butter Bluud's horns. It's going to be great!" She began to roll up one dough sheet as Caleb rolled the other. "After this we cut them and then let them rise again for fifteen minutes."

Caleb got down one of the cooking knives hanging on the wall. "Here I'll do it."

"There needs to be a total of 12 rolls," Jester said checking the recipe again.

"One, two, three, four," Caleb counted meticulously. Jester thought when she saw him counting things out loud that he was being silly or making a show of it at first, but it turned out it was just a Caleb thing to do. At this point, she'd be disappointed if he didn't do it. "Nine, ten, eleven, twelve."

Jester places the rolls on the baking sheet. "And now we wait. Again."

"I'm surprised you're being so patient for your sweets," Caleb said.

"Well they're worth waiting for," Jester said. "Though if you're wanting sweets early, I can think of something pretty sweet we can have right now."

"Oh?" Caleb asked.

Jester stood on her tiptoes and gave him a kiss.

"Oh, ja. That's pretty sweet," he said before kissing her back.

**Author's Note:**

> Here's the recipe I used for this fic https://kitchencents.com/best-sweet-butterhorns/2/


End file.
